Tuesday, November 11, 2014

My subconscious is a shoplifter*

I almost never go to Target anymore. Despite it being a mainstay of, well, basically every American under the age of 45, it has two strikes against it: it's not on the way to anywhere plus it's not in a convenient location (that was one strike, it just looked like two) and neither of the Lubbock stores are Super Targets, and while I espouse the ideals of Main Street, a small farm to table distance and supporting the local economy, I am lazy. I hate having to go to three different stores for produce, toilet paper and peanut butter.

But, in need of make-up, body wash and something else I can't remember that's in the bag three feet away from me but I'm too lazy to look and see what it is, I went to the Target that is a mile away as the crow flies but three years away as Lubbock road construction goes from the gym I was going to for a spin/tone class tonight. I found body wash, mystery item -- hand soap! It's hand soap! -- and make-up. Three things, plus a package of toilet paper because I also don't have the energy for Costco just now. That's not very many things.

Which is why I have zero explanation for why I didn't notice that the cashier only rang up three items until I opened my purse to get my keys and discovered my make-up was in my purse. Unpaid for.

"Oh my gosh!" Squeal.

The cashier gave me a weird look, probably in response to the weird look I gave her. She just didn't know that I was giving her a horrifyingly innocent look that I hoped attested to the fact that I am not a shoplifter.

I quickly gave her and paid for the $12 foundation and tried to remember when the person who got in line behind got in line. Did she see me stick the make-up in the purse? Did she think I was a shoplifter? Did this woman go home and tell her family that she watched a woman steal from Target?

Fortunately I caught my subconscious before we became a felon  (if the make-up cost about 100 times more or I did it three times in California).

* She's also a little profane.

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