Wednesday, April 9, 2014

How having a dog made me social, but not friendly

This morning, just more than a mile into a 5-mile run, Pippi decided her life was not worth living if she didn't get to meet the crossing guard. So, while we're running across the street, she whips around me and knocks me off balance.

Enter ankle sprain.

I did not yell at her, even though I really wanted to, because she doesn't know what she did wrong and I can't really express to her that, "Sweetie, it really hurts when you do that. Like, really. See how I'm limping? That's all you." Also because yelling at a dog is jerky.

Then I just walked it off and kept running, because I'm as dumb as my dog.

It got me thinking about how having a dog is sort of like having a child, except you can leave your dog home alone for hours, Pippi doesn't need a college fund and petting infants kinda makes you a weirdo. But there are some definite similarities -- specifically, 9.

1) You clean up poop. And vomit. Eventually it stops being disgusting.

2) You get up in the middle of the night when you hear crying.

3) You talk to people you really don't want to talk to, because they're excited about your dog or your dog is excited about them.

4) You have to change clothes before going to work in the morning because the dog got them dirty.

5) You take lots of pictures and show them to everybody around you, whether they asked or not. Also, your dog becomes the only topic of conversation in your life because she's new and exciting and look how cute!

No, really. Look how cute.

6) Their noises don't always make sense. Is she crying because she's upset or wants to go out or very excited to go on a walk? Is she growling for fun or because she's mad? Is that a yawn? What is happening over there?

7) They cannot tell you what's wrong.

8) You have to plan trips, work schedules and other outing around their eating and walking times.

9) You think you're in charge because you're bigger and smarter and pay the bills, but the longer you have the dog you become increasingly aware that your dog is actually calling all the shots and just letting you think you have something to do with it.

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