Wednesday, September 18, 2013


Today started out bad yesterday, as I lay in bed, tired, yet unable to fall asleep.

It got worse at 3 a.m., when I woke up in what I can only assume was a wind tunnel. Some crazy winds were blowing in Utah's first fall weather, and while I was happy for 65 degrees, I was not happy to be trying to sleep in what I can only assume was O'Hare's busiest runway. I read about James Madison for an hour. I put on melodic instrumental songs. I finally came upstairs to sleep, hoping the wind would be less intense sounding, and got a couple of hours of sleep.

Fast forward to 5:30. I had overnighted a package that required a signature, and when I didn't see a note on the door upon my 2 p.m. arrival at my home of the week, I figured it hadn't come. At 5:30, I realized it wasn't coming, I checked the tracking and discovered it was marked as delivered. I, well, freaked out. I checked the tracking again. I called UPS and read my bajillion-digit-long tracking number three times until the silly machine finally registered it. And then, in utter frustration, I asked to speak to a human being.

"I can send you to an agent, but first you have to pick your problem. Check tracking, buy supplies, ..."

I kept going but got nowhere.

"Can I please speak to a human being?"

"I can send you to an agent, but this is the most recent information we have," witchy UPS machine said.

For one second, I thought about saying, "How about you bite me?" Whaddya think about that, UPS?

Instead I just talked to an agent, who confirmed that it had been delivered, and I went out to the porch to find my $1,200 purchase that required a human being's signature sitting behind a porch pillar.

Then, on my way north to meet a friend, my phone rings. It's a Texas Tech number, which I usually ignore, but I'm having dinner with some Tech faculty later this week so I figured it was related to that. Wro-ong! It was the graduate school wanting to update my information, then presumably take ask for my money.

What I thought was, "I don't actually have an address; I'm homeless. Do you want to put that in there? Yup. Homeless. Put that in your alumni directory. You weren't going to ask me for money next, were you? Because now's really not a good time for that. P.S. I should be focusing on avoiding bad drivers, not talking to you."

What I said was, "Now's not a good time."

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