Sunday, August 4, 2013

I was outed this week -- as a Mormon

I walked into church this morning only to be stopped by my home teacher. He had something to apologize for.

"I accidentally outed you this week!"

I smiled -- definitely a confused smile -- as he told me he had started subscribing to the Daily Herald, as he told me he would the first time he visited me. He'd passed a signup booth in a local grocery store and stopped to sign up, telling the employees that he was subscribing because he'd promised this woman he home teaches, who works at the Herald, that he would. The employees asked who this woman was and named a few names.

"No," he told them. "It's Heidi."

"Heidi! I didn't even know she was Mormon." Because ... "But she's our in-house liberal."

Yes, world, it's true. I'm Mormon. It's who I am, even if people can't accept that.

Speaking of things I didn't know I didn't know, let me tell you the story of Enos. For anyone who's not Mormon (or is hiding in the Mormon closet) Enos is a man in the Book of Mormon who one day, seeking forgiveness for his sins, goes into the wilderness and prays. He ends up praying all night, having a marvelous spiritual experience and receiving all sorts of answers, not only for him but for his family, friends and enemies. Well, we're learning about prayer, and the bishop came in to talk to us about prayer. He asked who knew the story of Enos. A 3-year-old in my row shot her hand up.

"Yes, tell us about Enos," the bishop encouraged.

"We can be nice to birds, and I like birds, and we can be nice to people too, and not hit them," she responded angelically.

For anyone who's wondering about the connection, this is what we call reading between the lines. This was also her response to every single question.

The bird theme started because another of my Sunbeams brought a little bird with her. Where did she get that bird? At the dollar store. How do I know that? She told me roughly half a dozen times.

Then we went to class and learned more about prayer. My little guy from last week who said the completely unintelligible prayer, when I asked him what he could pray for, said he could pray that the bad monsters don't come.


And then we drew pictures of our families praying. Well, sort of. One little girl brought hers to me and I asked her to tell me about it.

"This is my dad on top of my mom ..."

People whose minds are always in the gutter should not be allowed to teach 4-year-olds.

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