Sunday, July 14, 2013

No faith in humanity? Check

It's roommate roulette time again!

My last several places to live have been found via Craigslist. I moved in with complete strangers. This has resulted in one acceptable but thankfully short stay a block from BYU, a house that seemed like a good deal until the homeowner's son started spending the night, which I learned one Saturday morning in my bathrobe, one house that I could only describe as meh, and my current house, which was my Craigslist jackpot.

But, due to the fact that life frequently doesn't look like I think it should, I'm off to the races again. And there are just some real fantastic potential roommates out there, let me tell you. I felt like it would be unfair for all of you who have never had to play Craigslist roulette to not share some of these.

"Hi I have a room open for occupancy. I'm a 25 year old male, clean, drug and drama free. I'm looking to rent temporary or as needed room to a female occupant in exchange for favors around the house. If this sounds good to you email me with a pic and little about yourself. This is legit! Serious inquiries only please. Thanks."

He's talking about sexual favors, right? At first I thought it was just my dirty mind and he actually meant housework -- but who needs a pic of your roommate if she's just going to do housework? And what sort of 1950s misogynist says on Craigslist that he's looking for a housekeeper?

"I am an average attractive man in search for an attractive woman to start a relationship with and move in and be a roommate to share all expenses. I would like details about yourself. Message me if your interested in knowing more about me. If you want to know more, you can email me or call or text at ..."

This is what we call not beating around the bush. Hey baby, let's move in together! Who needs a first date when we can be insta-roomies?

Apparently, however, this is acceptable, because I also found this:

"Apartment share in a great area of central ******. Fully-furnished, bright and clean, and with all amenities included (wifi, cable TV, heat, electric, water). Available for short-term stays (nightly, weekly) or perhaps longer. As for me, I'm a 38 y.o. white male from the U.S. who's often traveling for work, so you'd often have the apartment to yourself. I'm pretty laid-back, friendly, and like to keep things generally tidy and clean, though not obsessively so.

So far it's normal, yes? He's got an extra room, may as well rent it out. But then he keeps going.

I'm also well-groomed, physically fit, and told that I have classic good looks (full head of wavy dark hair, blue-eyed, chiseled jawline). I'm looking for someone who can be more than just a roommate; someone who's open-minded, intelligent and attractive, and who would enjoy having occasional intimate fun with her male live-in. Money isn't really an issue so I'm not looking for any rent payment (except for a small EUR40 key deposit).

Ack! If I'm reading this read, he's asking for someone to trade sex for a place to stay. He doesn't even want a long-termer. At least the first guy was ready to commit. 

Instead, good personal chemistry would be the key for this to work. We'll get acquainted over a drink in a relaxed setting to explore that. Please reply with info about yourself and what you're looking for (including dates needed), and include at least two clear, recent pictures; I'll reply with my pictures and additional information and we can go from there."

That seems like a LOT of work for a place to stay.

Then there was the landlord who used the terms "primitive, artsy shack" next to a "bucolic hayfield." And he prefers a vegetarian live there.

Also, I had one good Primary story today, from the boy who's fast becoming the star of this blog -- we were drawing pictures of our family, and he finished and then said, "Oh, I forgot my grandma." The other teacher said, "Grandma would like it if you put her in."

"She's acting weird," the boy said. We laughed.

No comments:

Post a Comment