Sunday, June 16, 2013

I have feelings

Today in Sunbeams we were singing "If you're happy and you know it." The child who did a good job of being happy got to pick the next action. When we got to one girl, the action she picked was "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes." It's a totally different song. It didn't seem worth the fight.

However, had I known what was coming, I might have stuck with foot-stomping. As we started singing, one little boy stopped screaming and started shrieking.

"Not so fast! I can't do it that fast!"

Then someone wanted to do it faster. A meltdown ensued. We stopped singing after that.

 Church continues to be an interesting experience for me. The Sunbeams like me better than they did, but only because today I showed up with stickers. They still don't actually listen to me. But at least when they sit next to me in sharing time they do not move their seat farther away, as the single guy who sat next to me in sacrament meeting did. And yet, as off-putting and sort of alien as this ward can be, it is still so much better than a singles ward for reasons that are very concrete but that I couldn't articulate when I tried. You'll just have to trust me.

Then I celebrated Father's Day by making cookies.

The Eiffel Tower (decorated with Nutella so it tastes like Paris), Neuschwanstein (the Bavarian castle on which Disney's Cinderella castle is based), the Brandenberg Gate in Berlin, a Double T and a high heel)
My dad was a lawyer. It wasn't really what he wanted to be when he grew up, but for practical reasons he thought it was a good career choice. He didn't hate it, I don't think, but he didn't love it. At least part of that was because he'd come home at the end of the day with nothing to show for it. That's not to say he didn't work, but for us results-oriented folks not seeing frequent results is quite disconcerting. So he did yard work, and cracked thousands of pecans, and made cookies, coffee cake and the occasional batch of donuts. He found solace in these tasks because his work yielded immediate results.

Between my job, my dating fails, the Sunbeams and the Big Ugly Mess, I totally know what he means. So I made cookies, and not just any cookies. These are three-stage sugar cookies that involve the mixing, the rolling and cutting and the frosting. It's an hours-long process from start to finish. I had three different colors of frosting to decorate my buildings in something close to real-life color. I decorated, not just frosted. And I found distinct pleasure in creating something of worth, something that people would look at and find attractive or want to have (they are dang good cookies, if I may say so).

Then I pulled out a letter my dad wrote me the week after I left for college. He told me how enthusiastic I was and how much he appreciated my love of life. I wondered where that girl went -- if she is dead or in hiding or paralyzed by how very hard life is.

Fortunately, I found some of my old enthusiasm in the form of homemade frosting, so I'm definitely going out on a high note today. Here's to a buttercream week!

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