Thursday, September 20, 2012

Heaven has a chocolate tree

Based on the number of cookbooks, aprons and pounds I own, the fact that I love food should be of no surprise to anybody. And I love German food. It is for the most part completely unhealthy, really fatty and basically super delicious. And it reminds me of my childhood. We always got German chocolate and cookies at Christmas and, well, yum.

So allow me to take you on my German food tour. (P.S. Does anyone else totally want to go on a food-centric vacation sometime? I'm thinking the Italian countryside, one little restaurant to the next. There are wine tours that do this, so I feel like there should be food tours too. If not, I'll be participating in the inaugural.)

This chocolate chip pastry is not what I intended to buy. I thought I asked for a puddingbrezel, which I thought was this pastry shaped like a pretzel that had a custard filling. Instead I asked for the above. I had this problem a LOT.
A marzipan ring. Yes, that is marzipan in a pastry. I may as well have had chocolate cake for breakfast for all the health value that had, but it was delicious.

A mohnplunder. This poppy seed pastry would have been more delicious if I hadn't thought it was chocolate.

A streudel. I totally ate this for breakfast.

Wursts (pronounced vursts. Which I knew beforehand. And which I still mispronounced every time.)

Bratwurst -- the original German sausage, bought from a street vendor. I felt so big city-ish. And look kind of high. Turns out German sausage is that good.
Bockwurst. I'm not totally sure how it's different from bratwurst, but it is. It certainly tastes less good.

Currywurst. It's a sausage -- covered with some kind of ketchup -- with curry on top. I have to tell you, I agree with JFK when he asked if he could be a real Berliner and never eat it again.

This is Nuremberg bratwurst, roasted on some special kind of grill. It was divine.
The sauerkraut? I tried to like it, if for no other reason than I hadn't eaten very many vegetables and this would more than meet that criteria. But I could not do it.

Gas station food. I asked for what I thought was some sort of calzone. I think this is like a super fancy continental version of a pig in a blanket.


I didn't actually buy this, but I have to assume a solid chocolate soccer ball made right there on the premises is in fact one of the layers of heaven. Others include driving a German car, running without ever getting tired and playing with my nephews without any of us ever getting cranky.

Chocolate with lavender and some sort
of spice that I feel like should be in
 spaghetti sauce. Weird.
Strawberries and dried green peppers. I am not making this up.

Chocolate-covered mango. The only one I didn't send to my mom to finish.

 And then there was the torte. There were at least two types of chocolate cake that I did not include. Had I died at the end of my trip, the autopsy would have shown that my blood had an abnormally high level of chocolate cake. And that I died happily.

Tanghana. This has chocolate mousse, caramel, hazelnuts, hazelnut crisps and about three more layers of deliciousness. I ate this for lunch. Words cannot describe how delicious this dessert was.

Chocolate cake with apricot jam in the middle. It wasn't bad, just a little unexpected -- and it seemed like a missed chance to layer chocolate cake with more chocolate.

Black forest cake eaten in a castle overlooking the Alps. It was like a fairy tale but better since, you know, the only fairy tale that talked about food was when Hansel and Gretel found the witch's edible house. Which totally would have been worth being eaten had her house been made of this cake.

Regentetorte. I went into a cafe and looked at all my choices and, rather uncharacteristically, settled on this dessert that looked like it was filled with a berry sort of mousse. I did consider the above cake, which was the last piece, because this was the dessert that I'd been looking for since I got to Germany, the torte we used to get at Christmas when I was younger. But anyway, I went with the pinkish pastry and said the name that was right in front of that pastry. When I saw the server pulling out this cake, I thought about telling her I'd been mistaken and that wasn't what I wanted. But clearly I was meant to eat that cake, and who am I to argue with the food fates? So I just went ahead and enjoyed every single bite.

Other stuff
Schnitzel! Finally. It took me so long to get this.

There was also quiche and "cheesy noodles," which is in fact mac and cheese, but they were German noodles, so at least I was branching out. The other option at this restaurant that I considered was a variety of wursts, but I was scared that one would end up being Weisswurst, which is made of veal, calves' brains and spleen. I've eaten some things that I thought were pretty nasty, but this would have taken it to a whole new level. I might have become a vegetarian, which for a German would be practically immoral.

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