Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Masochism OR I spoke too soon

Today one of my coworkers said his wife enjoyed all of the ridiculous online dating moments I shared on this blog. We then decided 'DULTG'G seemed to have learned his lesson after my sexy knuckles comment.

We were wrong.

'DULTG'G: hey how ru Really? Really?
'DULTG'G: what ru upto ru a movie goer At least this isn't the same first question. Maybe he does remember me, learned from our last convo and is trying a new tactic.
'DULTG'G: u there
Sarcastic angry chick: I am a movie goer. I go to all the movies.
'DULTG'G: do u like tall men Never mind.
SAC: Yes. 7 footers are the best.
'DULTG'G: im 6'4 almost
SAC: Maybe you can try really hard and add an extra 8 inches. The other day I was reading a profile and the guy said he'd accomplished many of the things he'd wanted to in his life, but he didn't think he was ever going to reach his goal of being 6'2". I laughed. At least some people are funny.
'DULTG'G: do u have issues with divorced men Oy vey. Does he have issues with divorced women? Do a lot of people have these issues? He seems pretty fixated on it.
SAC: if they got divorced for beating their wives, absolutely. Otherwise, it depends on the man. Too much?
'DULTG'G: i wasnt abusive at all
'DULTG'G: whens ur birthddayy mines ****
SAC: I don't really celebrate birthdays anymore. When I'm getting the exact same comments, it's hard to find new ways to approach it.
'DULTG'G: ys that It took me a minute to figure out what he was actually trying to communicate here. I thought he misspelled is.
SAC: Facebook doesn't remind me about my birthday, so I never remember it.
'DULTG'G: so u dont know when ur born?
SAC: Yeah, I don't really remember being born.
'DULTG'G: so u dont know when ur born ? Please note that he is using punctuation sometimes. This is progress.
SAC: My birthday is actually one of the least interesting things about me. It's in February.
'DULTG'G: what is ur best feature u like about u and what do men like?>
'DULTG'G: y is it not interesting?
SAC: It's just a birthday. Everyone has one. I did nothing to earn it and all it says about me is that I'm a Pisces.
'DULTG'G: what is ur best feeature u like bout u and what do men like Gee, what a surprise.
SAC: I'm funny. Does none of this ring a bell? We have had this same conversation, almost word for word, twice already. As in, two times. This is No. 3.
'DULTG'G: what do u like physsically
Me: I'm not really comfortable talking about myself in those terms. I'd like to think men like that I'm intelligent and witty and a good conversationalist. Question: would not most people on the receiving end of that feel chastened? I wasn't even trying to hide my message in sarcasm. I'm not a piece of meat that looks good in high heels. I'm a bright, articulate, warm, funny woman who looks good in high heels.
'DULTG'G: i like ur eyes and hair from ur pics And this is where I started to feel a little bad. And looking for ways out.
SAC: well, thank you.
SAC: what do you like about yourself?
'DULTG'G: my height I probably shoulda seen that coming.
'DULTG'G: women like that as well as my eyes and smile
SAC: are you funny? Because if not, the only thing we have in common is that we're both tall, and I'm not sure that's enough to build an eternal relationship.
'DULTG'G: im funny but my young bro is the comedian in the fam Is he available?
'DULTG'G: so u like tall men right? Ugh. About a hundred times over. Who did I piss off in the pre-earth life to deserve this?
SAC: I do, but I'm not really interested in men who are only interested in physical stuff. I think I'm going to say good night now.   

To his credit, when I closed the chat window, I didn't hear anything else. I also feel enough of a prick of conscience such that if he pops up again, I'm going to immediately tell him no and leave it at that.  

(If you're new or just enjoy insanity, here's round 1 with this guy and round 2. Round 3 never made it in. 4 and 5 are linked in the first paragraph.) 
On an unrelated note, I am a bad person. To explain a little bit, I initially started to type that he'd already done this half a dozen times and he really needed to stop now. But the connection failed, and when it came back the devils on my shoulder urged me on. (I don't have an angel on one side. They're both devils. One is mean and one is sarcastic. There's so much of both I needed two to fill the job description, and there just wasn't enough left over for an angel.)

I'm tired. And broken. In a no-BS, let's-get-real moment, I kind of wonder if putting in all this effort is worth it. I question if it's going to amount to anything. And I'm wondering at what point I can throw in the towel and just be done without feeling like I did something wrong and I'll one day be asked why I didn't try hard enough and told I did it wrong.


  1. A friend of mine led me to your blog, and it's been pretty hilarious! I'm curious what dating site this is on though, it would be interesting to find one that specifies level of church activity and things like that...

    1. It's ldssingles.com, geared toward people of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It's the only one I've ever been on, so I don't know how my experience compares to others that are less specific in demographic.
      Thanks for reading!