Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Does this make me a bad person?

Round 5. You can't make this stuff up.

Guy who doesn't know what get the eff away means: hey
At this point I had a decision. I could:
a) Take the high road and close the chat box without a word;
b) Take the middle road and tell him this is try No. 5 and to stop;
c) b + tell him if he didn't stop harassing me I was going to report him; or
d) Totally ruin his evening.
Him: hey how ru do u like tall men 
Hey, he got new material!
Him: hey how ru do u like tall men
Him: u ok
As you can see, he clearly read my profile in which I requested people not say ur. And he obviously respected this.
Me: no I don't
Him: u dont what Well, dude, you asked me a question. To be fair, he might have thought I was responding to his question "u ok" — although to be even more fair, I had no idea if that was a question or a statement since no punctuation accompanied it.
Me: like tall men. I don't. Technically a lie. I hadn't settled on my plan of attack yet, so it started out with a shotgun-like approach.
Him: y not ? Just how long of a conversation do you think this guy could have using only words that can be replaced with a single letter?
Him: ru serious
Me: Of course I'm serious. Why would I lie on an online dating website? <--needs a sarcasm font because I don't think he got it.
Him: y dont u like tall men
Me: They don't seem to listen very well. When I give hints, they don't work. When I'm honest, it doesn't work. What are men looking for in intergender communication? Men may think women are hard to read, but men are no picnic either.
Him: so height has to do with them listening?
Him: that doesn't have anything to do with them listening Hey, at least he figured that out on his own. Maybe if I don't respond he'll just talk to himself.
Me: well, I definitely don't like men who don't listen.
Him: so height doesnt have anything to do with it then right? Oh, geez. Would anyone who read that comment actually think I was saying that all tall men don't listen? Or would you infer that, since I was talking to a man I'd told to get lost in four varied and nicer-sounding ways that I was telling him he didn't listen?
Him: ?
Him: whens ur birthday mines ********
Me: I try not to give out too much personal information over the Internet. Too much?
Him: how tall ru ? You know, for those of you who have never been on the particular dating website I'm on, tell me tell you this — it asks for some pretty specific demographic information. Like temple covenants and worthiness. And how many Sundays you skip church to watch sports. (OK, not the actual reason you don't go to church, but the frequency.) And it definitely asks for height. Plus, isn't there more interesting information you'd want to find out about someone who you've talked to numerous times and who's just confessed an Internet security paranoia?
Me: not all enough for the WNBA. That was a sad realization. *sad face*
Him: do u have issues with divorced men ? Just you.
Me: Nope. Do you have issues with successful liberal feminists? I almost said, "I have issues with men who don't use correct grammar." But I was trying to be obnoxious and annoying, not offensive. However, if there's a sixth time, I'm probably just going to be rude.
Him: no what is ur fav feature of urs and what do men like I didn't scare him off with the f-word.
Me: I'm funny. Men like sports.
Him: im asking I know what you're asking what u like physiical feature wise of u and what men like
Him: ?
Me: I have great knuckles
Him: serious Is that a question? And if it is, is he asking for a serious answer or do I seriously have the sexiest knuckles ever? I think it's the second one. Unfortunately, I didn't answer in time.
*crickets chirping*
And he figured it out!

Well, it took a few more shots than normal, but I'm hopeful that I've managed to work my man repeller magic on this one.

1 comment:

  1. This is so funny - I'm sure you didn't think so at the time. He is awfully dense.