Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I'm in a relationship and it's complicated

The above is the definition of redundancy.

A friend and I were talking the other night about how we don't have uncomplicated relationships. These aren't just romantic relationships, I am talking any relationship — with friends, exes, coworkers, family, potential romantic interests.

I have a complicated relationship with myself (my mind changes on its own and I totally have to reacquaint myself with what I want and what I don't want on a fairly regular basis) and my body. (I can think I look hot to feeling fat in seconds just based on the angle in which the light hits the mirror in the bathroom. It's a gift — kinda like the one you have to put a fake smile on to say thanks for, but a gift nonetheless.)

I even have a complicated relationship with my phone (it's smarter than me) and my car (I always think it's trying to tell me something but rarely figure out what) and the gym. (My treadmill this morning refused to stick to the pace I wanted to go. It kept dropping lower; I had to have both hands on the bar and be practically pushing the belt to get it up to a faster pace. You can guess how long that lasted. It's like my gym is sabotaging me!)

This led us to change our Facebook relationship statuses (stati?) to "it's complicated," which in turn has further complicated my life because I have to explain to the people who aren't reading my mind that I'm just complicated.

Seriously, I don't remember the last "easy" relationship I had. That's not to say I don't have good relationships, but none of them are particularly laid back. (Yes, I have thought about the fact that I am not laidback enough to have such relationships.) I have the ex-boyfriends that I want to stay friends with and so we enter into weird, somewhat undefined state of pseudo-friendship. I have friends who I love dearly and keep in touch with via Facebook but if we actually spent more than 15 minutes together would be on my "list." My coworker relationships tend to be the easiest, but we still work together and there's an undercurrent of tension to any friendship that also includes the office.

As for my family, well, we are not uncomplicated people, so I think uncomplicated relationships are scientifically impossible.

The good thing is, the more I wade through my complicated relationships, the more I realize that all of those people (and electronics) have other complicated relationships. You learn something about the person you didn't know, you have shared experiences, you find similarities or differences you didn't know were there. Just growing up alters relationships. New relationships change the mojo of existing relationships. When relationships gravitate around more than chemistry partners, lunch groups and sports teams, they get complicated.

All of this has led me to the conclusion that it is impossible to have an uncomplicated relationship unless the other party is a golden retriever.

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