Sunday, October 9, 2011


Some Relief Societies have what's called a good news minute -- a brief time for women to share good things that are happening in their lives. About a month ago, the Relief Society president announced that we were having one.

As it so happens, I had good news -- I'd just gotten a promotion that week. I was about to raise my hand when I very quickly realized this wasn't a good news minute, it was a 5-minute squealfest for the girl who'd gotten engaged that week.

Later that day, I was sharing this experience with some friends who are in the same state of advanced calendaring and pairing as me. I said I didn't think I was bitter, I just wanted to be left alone about marriage. Everyone agreed.

Today I realized I was totally lying to myself. I am bitter.

In sacrament, a very exuberant bishop asked two people to stand up, then commented on that sparkly thing and asked the girl to raise her left hand so we could all get a good look on the rock on her finger. (At least, I'm assuming the sparkly thing was a diamond ring. Once I realized what was happening I put my head in my hands and tried to will myself to sleep.)

I don't know who these people are or anything about them; I wouldn't actually recognize them if I saw them on the street. I'm happy that other people find love. If I could wish that no one in the world would get married until I did, I wouldn't. I don't yell at the universe demanding that people under the age of 25 put a lid on it until us oldies get hitched.

But really, I am bitter. I think people who are seriously dating or engaged should be kept in a bubble. They certainly shouldn't be allowed out in public with the rest of us. (Married people are fine, for the record.) The waving of the ring finger should under no circumstances be allowed. When I get into law school, I should get a Heidi's good news minute, complete with how nervous I was when the envelope came in the mail and how shrill my voice got as I read the letter. (My fingers are crossed.)

The answer to the question, "Why aren't you married yet?" Well, clearly something is wrong with me. People who are younger, people who are less attractive, less successful and less intelligent get married. Even people who are way more socially awkward get married. And they make it look easy. I know people who have gotten married more than once. These are people who are younger than me.

To quote Monica from Friends -- "What is it, is there something unmarryable about me?"

As Mormons, we're frequently lectured about the importance of getting married. I get that. I'm on board. I think it's a good institution. But the more people talk about how I'm supposed to be getting married, the more I think I'm somehow doing it wrong. Whatever "it" is. I'm supposed to make it a priority. I did. I still got nowhere. I'm supposed to flirt. It's a challenge, but I've tried that too. This has led over the years to me making other things a priority. Incidentally, I've been successful at those things. It's just the marriage thing that I seem to be a miserable failure at.

So yes, I'll admit it, I am bitter. I'm bitter that other people have something I can't seem to figure out and that I'm in a society that thinks that something is not only the greatest thing in the world but the only thing in the world. Just leave me alone already.

P.S. When I get that LSAT score and then get into law school, I will be holding my own good news minute. You are all invited. It'll be legendary.


  1. It could be worse. You could have been divorced at 23 and listening to people tell you that you were too young to be divorced.

    Don't let anyone tell you that you should be married or not married. It's better to never get married than to be miserable with someone who isn't right for you. Just know that you're not settling and that's a good thing!