Sunday, August 14, 2011

This is not me being depressed

I just have some things I've got to say. Don't feel the need to comfort or console, I'm really OK. It's just going to sound a little whiny for the next few minutes.

I am, for the record, 29.5, Mormon, living in Utah and not married. And, according to a recent sacrament meeting talk, not ready to get married because I'm not dating. And never been that close to getting married; there was that one time but, no matter how good a show I put on, I never was really that close. I've had four boyfriends and about two dozen first dates in my 13 years of dating. Simply put, I am doing something very, very wrong.

Theoretically, my best chance of changing that is going to happen here. There are per capita more Mormons here than anywhere else in the world. When I first moved here, I remember people asking me if I dated a lot. The answer was no. It turns out that it's not a sheer numbers game. I had one date the 20 months I was here that time. I asked him and had zero interest; it was actually a favor for another friend. I've had more dates the second time; about 25% of those were not initiated by me. So it's not just that men don't want to be with me, they aren't even a little bit interested.

I am doing online dating on an LDS website. The other day I looked up people in Philadelphia and Austin, both large cities with large young professional populations with law schools I am considering. With a 10-year range, I came up with 11 people. That's the two cities combined.

In other words, my odds aren't going to increase when I leave Utah. However, for all of the numbers, this clearly isn't working either. Online, a large percentage of the men who contact me are 40+. I kind of figure the men my age are contacting women in their early to mid-20s. I have a sneaking suspicion this isn't going to increase in my favor when I hit the big 3-0.

But for all that, there's not a lack of good men in this area. I met one last night. I have friends who have talked about him for years and think he's great. He's tall, sarcastic, intelligent and attractive in a goofy kind of way. He's leaving for grad school in a week.

I met a guy at church several months ago. We were the only two people in the two who could rent a car without paying the young'un surcharge. We talked about politics and made each other laugh. He left for the summer a few weeks later. Sure, he could look me up when he gets back, but I can't say I've entertained those hopes these past few months.

Then there are the guys who at least seem like there's some potential who I meet through my job. But no source calls a reporter to ask her out. Which is good and proper and correct and frustrating.

Then there are the men I meet who, were it not for one fatal flaw, would give me hope. They're sweet and kind and funny and like sports and open the door for me and laugh at my jokes. We can and do talk about anything and everything. There's real, genuine friendship and respect for each other. They want to change the world, they go after their goals, they're doing great things with their lives -- not always big or earth-shattering things, but working toward worthy goals.

That fatal flaw? Some woman has already figured out that they're amazing and married them.

I'm not old. I haven't given up.

I also think I'd rather take my chances with the six men in Austin or five men in Philadelphia.

1 comment:

  1. I'm not going to comfort or console you... but California has a lot of LDS people. Or you don't necessarily have to marry someone LDS -- well I guess that would be bad for a missionary to not marry LDS! And the underwear might be hard to explain. So never mind.