Thursday, June 30, 2011

Tough question

What hurts worse: "I don't love you anymore," or "I slept with someone else?"
At April's LDS General Conference, when we all spend a weekend (one that I anticipate gladly and am equally happy when it's over) listening to the leaders of the church address us, the leaders seemed largely focus on one thing: getting married. You, you almost-30-commitment-phobe in the back who thinks she's ready only to be distracted by law school and running and living on the beach and shiny objects that aren't diamond rings -- we are talking to you.
To be fair, they weren't advocating getting married to those who are too young or not grown up enough. However, if they were actually talking specifically to me, the message would be: don't wait until you grow up. It's never gonna happen.
Anyway, this inspired much discussion and commentary online, largely about how men are afraid of marriage because to most men, marriage=divorce. And I thought, "Really? Seriously? Men think all marriages end in divorce? They've seen that many?"
Fast forward three months. While researching marriage and divorce rates (Utah's marriage rates, incidentally, have been dropping for at least the last 10 years), I came across this blog entry in the Wall Street Journal, which had these statistics in it:
"Among adults who were ever married in the 2000s, 21% of men and 14% of women reported that they had ever had sex with someone other than their spouse while they were married, according to the Project’s analysis of General Social Survey data. In the 1990s, 22% of ever-married men and 14% of ever-married women said they’d had an affair."
It kind of made me ill. One out of every five married men has slept with another woman? Women aren't that far behind either. I mean, I know divorce rates are high, but can such a large percentage of married people really have cheated on their spouses?
So it's not that I'm afraid of marriage because of the commitment or the possibility of utter relationship failure. I'm afraid of it because what if I utterly love and trust this one person, this person who knows all my weaknesses and fears and everything else that I don't tell anyone, and this person sits down one day and says he had an affair. It's about the most nauseatingly awful thing I can think of.
Or, even worse, what if I do that? What if I make choices that somehow lead to me being the horrendously evil person making this confession? At what point in a thought process does cheating on one's spouse become a valid option?
Anyway, so family law is out. I'll stick with the First Amendment.

No comments:

Post a Comment