I don't hate Mexico or all Mexicans, I'm not opposed to immigration, and I actually find Mexican men quite attractive.
But I hate their soccer team. Passionately. Because they are all the same. They are whiny and they fall down all the time and they act like children -- the type of children that turn pacifists against into loud advocates of corporal punishment.
And because they are dang freakin' good.
I have to blog this, or all my soccer-watching energy is going to explode into some Facebook Tourette's.
At this moment, it's halftime in the Gold Cup championship: USA 2, Mexico 2. America got up by 2, Mexico followed suit.
Landon Donovan got a yellow card for kicking the soccer ball and then tripping the guy after.
A Mexican player kicked Freddy Adu in the head. Twice. Then turned around and looked at him. The referee waited for the ball to go out before stopping play. Are you kidding me, ref? He has yet to call a single foul on Mexico. I think it's because they're such clean players.
Hear that? It's the sound of the entire soccer world laughing at my hilarious joke.
I've always thought Adu was a little overrated; he was the 14-year-old who made headlines when he went pro. And then you never heard of him again. He's got some seriously fancy footwork, assuming he doesn't have a concussion.
The game is going on in Pasadena, at the Rose Bowl. It's a sold-out crowd of more than 90,000 people. Most of them are Mexican. Seriously, United States. You're lame. Here's a heads up: the Rose Bowl is the second-best game to be played in that stadium this year. The best is happening right the hell now.
Also, if we're going to change the rulebook to allow face-kicking and shoving from behind in the box, I move that players that writhe on the ground for longer than -- I'll be generous -- 5 seconds be removed, because they're clearly extremely injured. If they hop up looking just fine after being in so much pain, automatic ejection.
Yeah, OK. We lost. Not because of poor reffing, not because of Mexican players falling on the ground, not because 3/4 of the fans in the American stadium were Mexican -- but because we got outplayed. It kills me to say it, but it's true.
But I still hate the Mexican soccer team.