Friday, May 27, 2011

God has a wry sense of humor

So, I'm now an online dater.

(I'm not sure what I expected there; maybe applause or something.)

Anyway, I have a profile with largely predictable information, a greeting that I rewrote three times in two weeks and a few pictures. In one of them my face is painted like the American flag, in another I'm doing a Matrix move. That sufficiently describes me, right?

Thus far, I've learned that I'm just as awkward in e-lationships as I am in person.

I've also learned that I really just don't like dating. I want to skip the entire finding a relationship part and just be in a functional, enjoyable relationship. And I hate it online, largely because I don't like myself when I'm doing this. I feel incredibly shallow. And quite convinced of my own awesomeness. (Well, OK, that I can live with. I am the most awesome person who sits at my desk.) I just feel rude when I don't respond, and judgmental because generally, the reasons for my lack of initial interest are 1) too short, 2) no college? or 3) meh. How can I write people off so quickly and for such superficial reasons? What kind of jerk am I?*

I don't want to waste their time, though. (I'm surprisingly less concerned with wasting my time, but whatever.) I mean, why bother responding if he doesn't meet a basic requirement of being taller than me? I don't think that's too much to ask. (And WHERE are all the men who like sports?) But not responding feels like the real-world equivalent of a guy walking up to me and saying hello, and I look him up and down for two seconds, then shaking my head and walking away. In what world is the online equivalent of that not just horrendous?

Why, in the online world, of course.

*I should note that most of the men I have sent messages to do not seem to have this quandary. I realized one day this week that the Internet has now created a way for me to be rejected every single day. And I paid for this privilege. Shut up, brain. Three day weekend yet?


  1. I think you're overstating things. For starters, I'm sure I sat at your desk a time or two.

    Zing! I kid. Heidi, all I'll say is this: don't you lower that bar even a smidge.

  2. I had a huge comment written out for this. But basically - never feel bad rejecting someone! You're just wasting both of your time if you go on the date and you aren't attracted. Dating is a job interview for the most important position -- the co-founder of your family! You should be picky!