Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Maturation

You may giggle freely at any time.
I'm working on a story about maturation education in Utah. I will not make any sex ed comments, I promise.
But I have a district's PowerPoint presentation, which includes a section on cramps, which, incidentally, feel like a dull ache. Do you know what helps with cramps?
  • Warm pad (presumably this is a heating pad, not a maxi that's been nuked)
  • Warm shower
  • Medication
  • Exercise
Exercise!?! Are you kidding me? First of all, my uterus's idea of a dull ache is nausea-inducing constriction that ends whenever it darn well is ready to be done. So let me tell you, when that sets in, exercise isn't the first thing that comes to mind. Moaning, curling up in bed, watching the clock so I can take my next round of Midol, cursing and shallow breathing -- all of those things are how I respond to cramps.
As much as I love exercise, it doesn't do a thing in this situation except add to the nausea and remind me that I'm fat. (Thanks, hormones! You rock!)

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