Monday, February 22, 2010

How to not campaign

1.Wrong reporter's name. Really, really bad.
2. Say, "Republican, of course." Not all of us are, even in Utah.
3. Ignore the reporter when she asks a question because you're too busy staring at the photographer.
4. Ask the reporter to repeat questions multiple times throughout an interview, including one (What is your business?) three times.
(To be fair to this particular politician, I have a slight lisp, and when I was younger people were ALWAYS asking me to repeat myself. I hated it and consequently am hypersensitive about repeating myself, even to this day. But really, "What is your business?" What might he thought I was asking? And he thought my name was Patty. Then he kept repeating it. As in, "Now, Patty, this is just amazing.")
5. Make some crazy campaign promises. I just don't think it's a good idea. No politician has ever been able to keep his or hers, so it's better to not promise anything.
6. Give the reporter an opportunity to draw parallels between you and recently humiliated, indicted and jailed financiers.
7. Talk about how much you hate politics, 'cause you just jumped in head first. Clearly you're not that averse. And you just look a bit hypocritical.
8. Talk about how different you're going to be. Chances are, you're going to be just like every other politician.
9. Talk until the reporter is bored to tears, and then some.

I should quit my job and start running people's campaigns in an attempt to save them from their own egocentric, unedited, not-well-thought-out plans. Really.

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